swedishrhapsody's Blog


Seen alot of C of late.  Coffee/lunch once a week and we are apparently going out for the day on the 12th.  No idea what shes up to at all.  She aint changed in the 4 years we didnt speak.  Still got lots of stuff on the go, lots of plans etc.  But she has one thing to really worry about and thats he sons move to 'big' school (High School in the US).  Her first choice is the one i went to but its full for this years in take in Sept 2015.  Her son goes up Sept 2016.  She needs to move house to be in the catchment area for the school. Whats she done so far......asked me if i know of any houses to rent in the village and thats about it.  She knows time is ticking but is far more intrested in other peoples problems and some bloke she met on Tinder (6 kids and 2 ex wifes!) Everyone has told her not to go there but i dont think shes listening!.  Soooo each time we meet she pours her heart out about how crap she feels, how shes helping all her other mates with problems.  C get a grip and sort your sons education out!.

BV....saw her last night, first time since J party night.  I am the talk of the group, i was seen holding hands with her and questions were asked.  People started getting on high horses and i mentioned the fact that J did EXACTLY the same holding hands thing a few years ago, so whats the issue with me doing it?!.  Again they asked what i was up to by holding hands.  I mentioned the fact that BV was upset by something and i was being a mate and comforting her.  I also pointed that i held hands with one of the other lads wifes the same night, cue lots unimpressed noise from the group.  As it turns out i seem have made BV and J relationship closer.  J was told what i had done and he asked BV what the hell was going on.  She told him the truth (we are in a relationship, you never show me any affection, SR was just making me happy, something you should be doing etc etc).  She threatened to leave him and had her bags packed but they seem closer then ever!.  Whilst i am happy for her, cant help thinking it wont last.  She told me all this last night in the club.  We were sat next to each other and spent all night gossiping.  J and Mr X spent all night glaring at me, Mrs X spent all laughing about it!!.


Help and your views reqd please.

By now if you've read the last few blogs, you will have noticed that H features heavily. As i've said due to her drug issue there will never be anything between us, its hard enough being mates with her, let alone actually being in a proper relationship with her.  I just cant do it.......but i now have a bigger problem.

As i mentioned earlier, she had said that a mate of ours had asked her to try the drugs she does (if you are new to this, lets just say its not the coke you drink..) She said theres no way she would do it as he couldn't cope and would get addicted etc etc.  I told her to keep it that way and not let him......Just spent the week with them and during a late night winefest she says:

H:"it was so funny on new years eve, C**** came round and i made him try coke.  It was only a small bit of the end, he tried it twice as well".  
Insert horrified look from me......

C****:"Yeah, it was great.  But as i only had a small bit, it didnt do much"

H has a very odd effect on C****.  He follows her round like a lost puppy, they act like an old married couple.  But my main concern is she seems to be able to make him do anything she wants.  She uses Tinder alot, and i mean all the bloody time.  All week she tried her hardest to get me to sign up, i point blank refused saying:

SR:"No i aint gonna do it H"
H:"Gimme your phone i'll do it, come on you just need a s**g to get over W"
SR:"I am over W, i've told you that.
H:"Ha, no your not.  You talk about her the time..."
SR:"Bit like you and your husband then H....."
H:"Thats different, we were married, thats different...gimme your phone..."
H:"Oh your so boring, even C**** has signed up to Tinder, aint you"
C****:"Erm yeah i have....
SR:" Whatever......."

and with that things were more frosty than a frosty thing!!!.  So what do i do about the whole drug thing?.  Couldnt care less about the Tinder thing, i aint doing it.

Do i report her to her employer, they have a whistle blowing hotline
Do i cut all ties with them both and leave them to it?
Do i have a chat with C****
Do i tell H best mate and see if she knows about the drugs?

Not overly fussed about her, i told her shes gonna end up in big trouble.  the new drug driving laws over here "dont bother me, it doesnt effect me when i drive...".  But i am worried that C****is going to end up addicted...all down to her.


So popped into her place for coffee and a chat.  In a nutshell, she is frustrated by J's lack of attention to her.  Frustrated to the point of crying most of the time.  As the boss/owner of a business, the christmas party is important to her.  All of her work mates bring their partners along for a good time.  They all dress up in posh frocks etc.  J got home late despite knowing he was going to this party...and then wanted to go wearing jeans and a fleece.  BV told him to stop being an arse and put a shirt and tie on..cue lots of grumbling etc.  Then theres the whole him being friendly with his ex (L).  He spends a huge amount of time with L and her family, even cooks them christmas dinner, leaving BV for the last 3 years to go to her parents and explain where her bloke is!!.  J is going to give L his car (L's bloke wrote theirs off) and then buy Mrs X's old one.  BV asked L's bloke what he thinks about an ex of his fiancee spending so much time with them, his repsonse...."i was told J comes as part of the package....".  All the time she was telling this stuff, i could see tears in her eyes and her voice started to quiver.  He shows her no affection at home or when out with us lot.  

SR:"Do you love him BV"
BV:"SSIIGGHH....i think so hard, hard to say"
SR:"Does he love you?"
BV:"I think he fancies me but doesn't love me"

Shes is a loverly woman who deserves someone who will treat her how she wants. She said that she needs to think about making a decision, stay or move on.  I responded with:

SR:"BV, i'm there for you.  Like i said on saturday, your a gorgeous woman who deserves more"
BV:"Oh SR.....when you said that, it meant so much to me.  Your such a nice bloke."
SR:(smiling at her, i gently held her hand)"You were there for me, I WILL be there for you."

We carried on chatting and she told me that one of the others had seen us holding hands on Saturday and told J.  He got the hump slighly and she did say he paid her more attention on the sunday!.  Interestingly the person what saw us holding hands caught J doing the same with one of his conquests years ago.....and what a huge, monumental turn of events that was!.  

By know its been a couple of hours and i have 5 missed calls on the works phone.  As i went to go, she walked up to me and flung her arms round me. We kissed, a long lingering on the lips kiss, have to admit it was hard not to snog her properly......She looked at me and said:

BV:"Thanks for being a good mate and i will remember your offer"
SR:"Sounds good to me, any time BV, you know i will......"

With that i kissed her on the forehead and headed off..................................

Oh BV, i've never felt this way before about a woman, not with H, M1 or even W. You are a wonderful woman, fun to be with, clever, witty and beautiful.  I'm there for you in more ways than one!!.

BV.....what do i do?!

It all began on Saturday just gone.  Its Mr X's 50th so we all went into town for drinks and curry.  M1 came along as well, which surprised me.  Got the feeling she was ignoring me....but this aint about her for once.  Me and BV sat opposite each other and we spoke about various things.  We got talking about H and she said:

BV:"shes a stupid girl to turn you down SR.  If i wasn't with J, i'd be all over you like a shot".

Now bear in mind J is sat next to me!.  I didn't read too much into the comment as the drink had been flowing.  The chat got more flirty between us as the evening progressed, its been a running joke that me and her need to christen the back seats in my car,
SR:"The offers still there BV, just say when"
BV:"May just take you up that offer offer i've had for a while!.  When you popping in for coffee, need to talk to you but cant here....walls have ears and all that".  I could tell she was upset about something as there were tears in her eyes.  We headed for the minibus.  I was walking along side her, J was off in front.  No idea why but i reached out for her hand.  Rather then push me away she grabbed hold of my hand, looked at me and smiled.  

SR:"You ok?".
BV:"I am now.....thank you".

Soo we all piled out of the bus at the club and yet more drinking.  By now it was obvious that BV didn't want to be here at all.  With tears in her eyes, she sat there staring into the distance. J was no where to be seen, arguing with Mr X and his brother about what song to put on the jukebox.  Which is far more important than looking after your obviously upset partner.........I leant over and put my arm round her

SR:"BV, you ok?".
BV:" Its hard to tell me and J are a couple aint it"
SR:"Oh BV...i guessed something like that was wrong"
BV:"Is it that obvious?"
SR:"Tis to me, same problem as last christmas?"
BV:"Oh SR you know me so well.  How come you notice and he cant?"
SR:"Is this why you want to meet for coffee, to talk?"
BV:"Yep, got no one else i can talk to SR"
SR:"Well i'm here for you.  You were there for me so i'll be there for you"
BV:"SR i.....dont....know what to say"
SR:(no idea why i said this!)"Can i just say your gorgeous BV"
BV;"Oh SR, thank you so much"

By know J had got bored with jukebox and came back to the table.  Soon after we headed our seperate ways homeward.  Went to see her today.......more later

The wonderful W(the nice one)

Just got back from a wedding down south.  Was a mate of mine who i've known for 20 years, seen him go from rock bottom to really happy back to rock bottom again with 2 different woman.  So it was nice to see him finally tie the know with a wonderful lady he met 3 years ago.  Very few people from his days where i live were invited, one of them being the wonderful W (hence known as Nice W*****!).  

I got a text from her at about 1pm yesterday saying she was running late and would be at the church soon as she could.  As it happend i went to the wrong venue so texted her to say i was gonna be a bit late.  "Well, S aint coming to the wedding now, so you're my escort.  Will explain later" was the response i got......... For the last few months i've had a suspicion that all may not be well with her and S (her hubby).  He's pulled out other things at the last minute before and left her to come on her own.  She missed the actual ceremony, and as the rest of them headed for the bar i popped outside to see where she was.  As i walked out, NW was just getting out of the car.  She looked stunning in a grey dress suit and as i was in a smart suit she didnt recognise me, S did!!.  They said their goodbyes and we went inside.  Turns out S mum has broken her ankle and S is looking after his dad whilst being taxi, so i can understand why he didn't come along to the wedding.  I got the impression that NW was still upset by this and she seemed quite wound up, but once we started chatting she soon calmed down.

We found our places at the table.  She made another mates wife move so we could sit together!.  Mulled wine drunk, i offered to buy her a drink.  Turns out in the hurry of leaving the house she had forgotten her wallet and had no money.....she started apologising and said

NW: "I'll text S and get him to bring some money back.  Cant beleive i've come out with no money.....".  
SR:"Dont be so stupid, i've got money, i'll buy the drinks.  You can pay me back later"
NW:"You sure, i'll ring S now"
SR:"Its fine, now what you drinking?"

So the evening went well.  We chatted, laughed, had a giggle with the bride and groom.  She filled me in on other stuff going on in her life.  The one odd thing was S wasn't mentioned at all, it was all about her and their son.  By know the band was in full swing and i was wandering around taking a few pics.  She popped out to see if S had messaged her as MIL was having an op that night.  She came to me round about 8pm

NW: "I gotta go SR, S is on his way.  they've been to MIL and have'nt had any ttea.  Can't beleive its this early and i've gotta go"
At this point our mate suggested that if "us 2 wanted to dance he would hold my camera"

NW:"So then SR, fancy a dance?!"
SR:"It would be a pleasure NW"
NW:"Can you dance?"
SR:" Erm no......"

So there i was trying to look like i knew what i was doing.  Not just any dance it was a slow, smoochy number.  So there we were, hand in hand, arms wrapped around each other.  She looked into my eyes, i looked into hers and she smiled.  A big, really happy looking feeling contented smile.  The dance was soon over and i walked her outside.

It was cold outside and she started to shiver.  I put my arm around her and said

SR"you ok, you look far away"
NW:"I'm fine just p***ed off S is on his way".
SR:"How is he then NW?" (his on going health issue)
NW:"Getting worse SR, getting worse"
SR:"Oh NW.....remember what i said the other day.  I'm here for you, i mean it"
She looked at me, smiled and mouthed "thank you".  

S arrived with his old man.  He got out and we went to shake hands.  This was when i noticed what NW meant by his getting him worse.  Again no details, but its a degenerative disease which is going to get worse.  He thanked me for looking after NW and admitted he had no money on him to pay me for the drinks.  I told him not to worry and we'll sort it out next time.  With that NW walked up to me, gave me hug and kissed me gently on my cheek, her parting words were, whispered "Thank you SR.....  They left, and i have to admit i was a bit lost without her.  A few more drinks sorted that and i felt good that i mean so much to someone.  Packed up the evenings mess and got cab back to hotel.  As i got to the room, my phone bleeped with a text from NW.  It said:

"Matey.  Thank you for being there.  You're a gentleman and no mistaken xx"
I responded with "it was a pleasure"

So to NW....i meant what i said to you a few weeks ago.  If you need me, i'm here. Be it someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug or someone to help you with've got my phone numbers, email address etc, even turn up on my doorstep!.  I can only imagine what your going thru at the mo and i know at times like this having someone to talk to is such a big help.  You mean the world to me NW, the absolute world.......xx

Being ignored......

Well, i've had enough.  Over the years i've put myself out for M, M1, H and C.  No need to repeat myself as to what i've done for these ladies.  It all started with C this morning.  We were supposed to be going for lunch today, but very early on she changed it to tomorrow.  I texted that was fine and thought she may reply...but no.....plenty of time to post crap on facebook, but no time to reply to a mate who stopped you being homeless.  Both M and M1 have said " a meal, that sounds good, when?".  I told both of them to let me know when they can make it and we'll go from there.  Bumped into M a few weeks ago and she said she would be in touch and we'll sort something out.  M1 replied the same via text when i suggested we went out last week.  So here i am with tonight and tomorrow free......and have i heard from them...have i buggery.  M1 did suggest 'maybe we could meet up christmas week', as for M, not heard a thing from her.  Don't even begin to ask about H.......

I'm fed up of being used, i'm willing to be there for people when they need stuff, be it a shoulder to cry on (M), Money (C), moving house (H and M1).  yet when all i want to do is go out one night, have a nice meal and chat....just be with a good mate, where is everyone....busy.  Typical of my life to be honest........

Being ignored......

Well, i've had enough.  Over the years i've put myself out for M, M1, H and C.  No need to repeat myself as to what i've done for these ladies.  It all started with C this morning.  We were supposed to be going for lunch today, but very early on she changed it to tomorrow.  I texted that was fine and thought she may reply...but no.....plenty of time to post crap on facebook, but no time to reply to a mate who stopped you being homeless.  Both M and M1 have said " a meal, that sounds good, when?".  I told both of them to let me know when they can make it and we'll go from there.  Bumped into M a few weeks ago and she said she would be in touch and we'll sort something out.  M1 replied the same via text when i suggested we went out last week.  So here i am with tonight and tomorrow free......and have i heard from them...have i buggery.  M1 did suggest 'maybe we could meet up christmas week', as for M, not heard a thing from her.  Don't even begin to ask about H.......

I'm fed up of being used, i'm willing to be there for people when they need stuff, be it a shoulder to cry on (M), Money (C), moving house (H and M1).  yet when all i want to do is go out one night, have a nice meal and chat....just be with a good mate, where is everyone....busy.  Typical of my life to be honest........

Less Meh, more tired with a bit of ho hum

No H news.....

Spent Tuesday evening with M1.  I needed to talk to someone about the H drug thing and she offerd to cook me supper.  So we had supper and chatted.  I've known her years and knew her break up was hard, but until Tuesday i never realised how hard it hit her.  I made a comment about sometimes feeling like crawling under a rock.  Her response was heartbreaking........

M1: "sleep is great. you close your eyes, fall asleep and all is right with the world.  No worries, no feeling s*it....its great.  I've got no one to turn to SR.."
SR: "M1, dont be stupid.  I'm always here for you."
M1: " Oh don't.....really?.....oh thanks SR"

She thinks shes old, past it...that sort of thing.  Far from it, so M1 this ones for you:

I'm here for you M1.  Whatever you need ring me, anytime of day or night.  I know what you have gone through, been there myself.  No one else in our group knows, they are lucky never to have experinaced what we've been through.  You're also not old and past it.  Your good looking, and i know you know you'll think i'm mad for saying this, but i find you incredibly attractive.  We'll both find someone, i know we will.  Maybe we should be looking closer to home for the 'one' if you need me M1 ring/text/call.  

Saw C the other day as well....more on that soon!.

Feeling meh.....

Seem to have deleted my last blog for some reason, was just trying to tidy up a double post.  So lets start again......

H finally got in touch with me yesterday.  Been at her sisters all weekend and i needed to drop off the boxes for her house move.  So popped down to see her, was hoping to find the cuddly, laughing, touchy feely H from that Saturday night.  But no, the defensive, scowling H was still there!.  I moved some stuff for her, she made me coffee. Was nice sat here talking about nothing in particular, just chilling out.  Then she dropped the bombshell, the big, huge, massive type.  We were talking about drugs tests, both our jobs use these as a way of monitering employees for use of illeagle drugs.

H:"Did my test last week, thank god its been a while"
SR:"You been smoking special stuff again H?!"
H:" God no, hate that stuff.  Lets just say it was something stronger...."

Lets just say its something you would snort......

She then went to justify why she did/does it. "Makes me feel good", "was doing it 3 times a week earleir this year", "had to wean myself off", "i'm in control, i've got an adictive personality and know when to stop".  By this point i was horrified....i nearly went off on one at her for it but thought better of it.  I asked few questions:

SR:"when did you last take it H?"
H:"end of October at that wedding i went to"
SR:"so you've not done it since then?"
H;"No, good job to, what with the drugs test!"

By know my head was spinning, no idea what to think at all.  Here is someone i really really like admiting to taking hard core drugs, and seemingly not bothered by it.  She then went to describe how when high on the stuff, she remembers everything....its all very real for her...."sex when high is fantastic, i remember everything unlike when i'm just drunk"......then i had one of those light bulb moments.  So H this next bit is for you..........

Remember you told me that your ex had pulled a 21 years old?.  You told me that before...that Saturday night when we 'Slept' together.  The same night we were both drunk.  You wanted me to finish my bottle of wine so you could start your next one. So going on what you told me about not remembering things when drunk, and i may be putting 2+2 together and getting 12 knew your ex had pulled a 21 year old, wanted to get your own back, so got drunk and got me into bed, knowing that you would probably not remember anything.  But you do.....  You know i like you, or should i say liked you.....

I have morals H, a bit of weed i'm ok with but the stuff your on.....sorry but i cant abide that.  So i'll be blunt with you.....we can never be more than mates now. Suggesting you may bring some on holiday with you, and telling me our friend wants to try it with you....WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU PLAYING AT?!.  You musr realise that if the test comes back positive, then its over for well paid job, no mortage, no house.  Why risk all this for 20 mins of intense pleasure.......i really thought we could be more than mates H, i really did.  even had a a whole speech worked out to tell how i feel about you.  Well no point in that now.  So i'll leave you with this H........we are still mates just about, but if you bring that stuff away on holiday or introduce our mate to the stuff, i will never, ever speak to you again.  I will also make sure that all of our mates know as well.  Sorry H but thats the way i feel.  Yes i'm a nice boy as you called me, but i aint changing.  I was prepared to offer you the world, prepared to spend more time with you, prepared to give you the life you want.  But no.....its not to be.  Hope you sort yourself out H, i really do.

So there you have it.  Yet again find someone i really like, willing to put some effort in and they turn out to be drugged up loon.

Feeling ok, i guess....

Supposed to meet C yesterday but work got in the way so suggested to her we meet next week.  Got a message off her last night asking if i got her text about this last week.  Seems she is keen to meet up........part of me is thinking "may be shes grown up and aint such a spoilt brat" and part of me is thinking "whats she want".  I'll admit that if i get the chance i will take things further with her, alot further!!.  But i need to be careful.  I know she gets pregnant at the drop of a hat....certainly dont want that!.

Worried to bits about F now.  Not in a good place and posted she was feeling sad and really teary.  Have to admit i've felt the same but i know thats coz i've wound myself up over H.  F, i'm here for you if you need me.  Ring, text, send smoke signals etc etc.

Angry...fed up...lonely

M1 suggested i write a letter to H but dont send it.  I've did this before with W and forgot what a tonic it is.  Wrote a longer, more, detailed version of the bit in my last blog.  Really poured my heart out to her.........i woke up feeling really good, had a really good day, felt really positive.....then about 30 mins ago i felt the same as before.  

Spoke to a client of mine today about the whole H thing.  I've known R for 5 years or so.  She listened to me patiently pour my heart out about C a few years and it was good to see her again.  I told her the whole story, she listened, laughed, looked shocked and said to me "dont blame yourself SR, shes still clinging to him for some reason.  She feels guilty about what you two did".  She then told me about the crap shes gone through, crashing her car, her mum passing away and some numptie partner of her being an arse (who i think i know!...).  All in all a good day but....

All i wanna so is find someone to be with, someone to spend evenings with doing stuff watching tv..that sort of thing.  All i wanna do is treat a woman right.....why then are some of my most wonderful female mates with complete twunts.

Mr X....need i say any more.
BV's other half, J.  Got caught playing around before, he'll do it again
W, mate which me H and F know.  he's got a wonderful fiance, yet he freely admits to cheating on her......
F...please dump that numptie you're with.  You've dumped him twice already, i know this as you've told me, with tears pouring out.  Why go back........

It really annoys me that there are so many decent woman out there with complete numpties in tow.  Yet theres me, willing to give it all to keep someone happy, stuck on my own in a constant battle with lonelyness, being taken for a ride.  It really does suck!!.  

Told R about C wanting to meet up.  She looked at me said "what you gonna do?".  I said "will meet her for coffee and see what happens".  To which the beautiful R said;
"You gonna try and sh*g her then?...."

Feeling odd, but a good odd

H is still being odd...a FB chat between the 6 of us going away started last night.  I was out at the time as there was no way i was waiting in for H to ring say if she was home or not, not playing them games again!.  The chat was about paying her the money and the stuff being sorted out for us to do.  H pops up at laughing and joking, theres a joke about her and F not being shared, lots of flirting with the married bloke, then i make a comment about something and H appears to vanish.  Got a text of her saying the only day shes going to be home early would be today.....knwoing i'm on call!.  I made a comment about that being called sods law and what was she doing at the weekend....  Visiting her sister and doesn't know what time she'll be home on the sunday.........Pi**ed off doesn't even come close to how i'm feeling at the mo.  So H, this next bit is for you........

Please stop what ever games you are playing. I do genuinely like you, alot.  I've gone out of my way to get you boxes for you to move house, all i ask is that you talk to me.  I saw your last FB status last nigth abotu you feeling so down.  Thats why i texted you, to make sure you are ok.  I care a great deal about you H, i really do.  I've never ever felt like this about a woman.  I want you to be happy, i want to be with you, i want to help you.  Please dont ignore me, a simple text to say you are ok will go along way.  if i'm being too full one, tell me...i aint phsyic......Spoke to my mate M1 today, explained what has gone on between us (dont worry, i trust her not to say anything, she doesn't know any of us lot).  She told me to back off, i was going to ring you this afternoon but she convinced me not to.  H, please get in touch with me...a simple text to say "Hi, i'm ok" will go a long way.

Totally out the blue i got a message from C today.  She asked where i got some glass from, and feeling crap from H, i kept the chat going.  she asked if i as still living at home, Yes...."you happy"...."Yeah, got stuff on my mind but thats me being me".  For some reason i suggested we go for coffee.  No idea why i did it and wan't expecting her to say "of course".  its been 4 years since we last saw each other...what have i done?!?!?!

More random thoughts.....

Spoke to H yesterday.  Shes got a date to move house and have said i'll help her move.  Rang just to let her the offer was still there.  Left a voice mail, and was surprised when i got a reply saying ring me when you can.  Rang her back and we had a chat about things.  All being well i'll be seeing her next week to drop some boxes off.  Although i aint holding my breathe!.  Shes blowing hot and cold lots lately.

Since me and H 'slept' together, both H and BV made me relaise just how hung up on W i am/have been.  Never relaised it until H told me in bed!!.  Having now admitted this, i find myself feeling alot better about W.  Even to the point where i have thoguht getting in touch with her!.  Not done it yet, my unblock her from my FB and see what happens. i know shes still on at least mates list.

Noticed that the views of my blogs seem to be growing.  Also have a suspicion that people i know may be reading this, so............if you think you know the real name behind this blog, then send me an email/or next time you see me and ask "Have you heard Swedish Rhapsody lately?".  If you do know who i am, then please by all means talk to me directly about this blog but not to our friends pls!

wonderful couple of days...woo hoo

Last 2 days have been wonderful.  Why you ask, well i'm in the middle of a weeks holiday and have managed to catch up with 2 of the most wonderful, amazing woman i know!.

Tuesday saw me heading north to see M. Its been about 4 years since we've seen each other and have to say i was a bit apprehensive about what reaction i would get.  I needn't of been worried at all.  She came bouncing down the stairs from her office, saw me, started giggling and flung her arms round me.  The happy, charming gorgeous M i first knew in 2008 is back.  She looked stunning as ever and it felt soooo good to see her again.  We chatted about everything and anything, she told me about the blokes shes been dating since she broke off her engagment last year, i told her about H, she told me all about her son and how well he's doing at be honest i've been looking forward to this for such a long time.  She gave me some pretty harsh advice about H and what i should do ("don't you dare go there SR, remember how you felt when W left you.....what do you mean she wants kids?!"). We sat and chatted, laughed joked, giggled..just like all them years ago.  All too soon she ahd to go back to work.  We left the coffee shop and she headed for her office.  Shes never been one to hug me in public, especially at work.  As we stood outside her office door, she flung her arms round me, planted a smacker of kiss on my lips, we hugged, said how we've missed each other, hugged again and then she walked off, gave me a cheeky wink and grin as she walked up the stairs.

Then today i met up with W (not that one, the nice one!).  Not seen her since last year at her birthday.  Good weather, good food and beautiful company...what more could i ask for.  W told me all about the problems her bloke has been having ( health issues with him) and how shes been.  I've always had a soft spot for W, shes an attractive, clever, funny woman and knowing what shes going through with her bloke, i really do feel for her and admire her for being so strong with all the stuff shes been through and will continue to go through.  We had a good day mooching round a few things near her house.  Headed back to hers via her mates house to pick up a dog (!).  Had a quick cuppa and it was time to go.  We stood on her door step and hugged.....a long tight hug...i looked at her and said:

SR:"W, if you want to talk about things, anything at all, then you know where i am.  I can be here in 30 mins or you come down to mine"
W:"Oh SR...thanks alot....your a good mate" she hugged me again and saw tears in her eyes....

So to W.  I meant what i said. I can only imagine what you are going through.  How you have stayed so strong over the last year or so is beyond me.  I know you've found it tough, i could tell today when we spoke about how your hubby is doing.  I want to be there for you....i will be there for you xx wonderful, funny, stunning person.  Always liked you, always have always will.  Thanks for your advice on H, kinda knew you would say this and you are, as ever, right.  Your face when i told you her age was a picture!.  I know you miss C, known you long enough to tell that!.  Remember what you told me 5 years ago...stuff like this happens for a reason.  I'm just glad you broke things off rather than hope things mend themselfs.  I'm here if you need me M xx.

H....what have i done...why are you ignoring me again?.  I've tried to keep in touch. But no repsonse.  May sound daft but when someone texts you its courtsey to'll respond instantly to your ex, but not me?!.  Confused.....


Soooo since me and H spent the night together, my mind is completly mullered!.  We're still friends, still talking, still texting...but she has changed her attitude toward me.

Went for a meal with her last Monday.  I had to pick up stuff from near her house, so suggested we went to dinner, my treat.  Her job is like mine, shes either busy and home late, or gets home early.  She said she was gonna be late so long story short i got to hers round about 6pm.  Found her flat and had a quick coffee, talked about her house shes buying and walked to the pub.  The happy, open, wanting to hold hands and cuddle H of that Saturday night had gone.  The arms folded, not wanting to walk beside me, defensive H was out that night.  We had a good meal (my treat) and chatted about lots of things...including how shes "still in love with her ex and i need to sort my head out about him first".  Talk about being kicked in the guts.......There was nothing i could i do except just listen to her.  Walked back to her flat, used her bathroom and walked into the living room to say goodbye.  I wasnt expecting a hug at all but as i stood there in the door way, she was sat on the sofa.  She sighed, got up walked over to me, sort of hugged me (making sure we didnt kiss...), sighed again and looked at me:

Me: "you ok H
H: "Yeah, i'm fine.....SSIIGGHH"
Me:"you sure?"
H:"I'm fine, just tired SR"
Me:"look after youself H, you know where i am, ring me for whatever"

She looked at again, and her eyes teared up.  Before i could say anything, she sat down muttering about texting her ex as his grandad had just died.  I took the hint, said goodbye to her cats and left.  Spoke to her yesterday and she seemed fine.  I'm confused now big time.........still going on hols with her in Feb...and still sharing a bed apprently......confused beyond belief at the mo!.

On the plus side seeing M on Wednesday for the first time in 4 years.  

Dont shut me out

Please H, dont shut me out.  All i did was ring you for a chat to see how you are.  Surely last saturday means something, it meant alot to me.  I hope that what happened wasn't just you using me.  Hope not as i'll be heart broken.  Please ring me like you said you would.....please.......

well...wasn't expecting that

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Womans pt2

Rang F this morning to find what she meant by the text last night.  Took until this afternoon to get in touch with her.  Seems after our phone call yesterday, H told F that she likes me and thinks i'm "well fit"!.  F asked had i thought about the same way.......

I have, sort of.  Last time we i saw her it was abvious she liked me as she made a bee line for me and was never more than a few paces away.  Have to admit i did think it would be kinda fun to be in a relationship with her but, and its a big but.  She confided in me that the reason she split with her Hubby and last boyfriend was due to the fact that she wants to settle down and have kids.  They didn't......

Me personally i dont have an issue with the settleing down thing, but this wanting kids thing freaked me out a bit.  W did exactly the same, she claimed it would "sort her head out".  H hates being alone and both me and F think she wants a kid so she aint lonely.  I can kinda understand W wanting more kids, she was 44 and would have been the last chance.  H is 28.......

Had a long chat with F about how i felt about H before, and now i know how she feels about me.  I feel flattered, happy, nervous.........F told H that i'm not her type, and she kinda agreed.  I'll be seeing them both is a few weeks.  Be intersting to see how H behaves towards me!.

Womans-not expecting that

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Cant stop thinking about certain people....

It all started when i was watching Back to the future.  What would i do if i could go back in time?......  This started me off thinking about both W and C for some reason!. If i was still with W would we have kids, where would we live, would we be happy and what would our sex life be like.  With C it was what if we had had the chat, and she felt the same about me, would we be together, would we of had kids, would we be happy and what our sex life was like.  No idea why i started doing this, after all these 2 ladies have hurt me so much and theres me imagining happy familys with them!.  In case you were wondering, heres my answers to the above.

W:  Kids yes, she wanted them, "it might calm me down" was her claim. Living in the Lake District.  Would we be happy......hard to say.  Sex life, probably not alot

C: Kids, possibly although probably no, Living in town, happy...Nope probably arguing all the time.  Sex life would consist of lots of make up sex.

So why am i thinking like this.  No idea at all, not a clue.  

1-20 of 167 Blogs   

Previous Posts
News....., posted March 29th, 2015
Help and your views reqd please., posted March 7th, 2015
BV...PT2, posted January 14th, 2015
BV.....what do i do?!, posted January 13th, 2015
The wonderful W(the nice one), posted December 28th, 2014
Being ignored......, posted December 22nd, 2014
Being ignored......, posted December 22nd, 2014
Less Meh, more tired with a bit of ho hum, posted December 7th, 2014
Feeling meh....., posted December 1st, 2014
Feeling ok, i guess...., posted November 29th, 2014
Angry...fed up...lonely, posted November 27th, 2014
Feeling odd, but a good odd, posted November 26th, 2014
More random thoughts....., posted November 23rd, 2014
wonderful couple of days...woo hoo, posted November 19th, 2014
phew......, posted November 16th, 2014
Dont shut me out, posted November 6th, 2014
well...wasn't expecting that, posted November 2nd, 2014
Womans pt2, posted October 11th, 2014
Womans-not expecting that, posted October 10th, 2014
Cant stop thinking about certain people...., posted August 17th, 2014
Feeling useless...again...., posted August 15th, 2014
A general rant/moan/whinge/ it what you want!!, posted August 10th, 2014
Its all getting a bit odd......., posted June 24th, 2014
blast from the past continued....., posted May 25th, 2014
A blast from the past...., posted May 22nd, 2014
Shes up to something...., posted May 11th, 2014
Feeling kinda insignifcant, posted April 29th, 2014
Car passed test...Woo hoo, posted April 5th, 2014
Weeks holiday...woo hoo, posted March 5th, 2014
Arrrggghhh...., posted January 26th, 2014
Friends....can you really trust them, posted January 4th, 2014
In need of a hug/someone to talk to/a special someone, posted December 8th, 2013
Sigh...feeling good but slightly down...., posted November 24th, 2013
Its hat time...., posted October 1st, 2013
Feeling odd again, posted September 12th, 2013
I'm back....., posted August 18th, 2013
Happy Holidays?!?!, posted July 23rd, 2013
Wanting to disappear...., posted July 11th, 2013
More memories and odd feelings, posted June 23rd, 2013
Lies......its all lies...., posted May 22nd, 2013
Feeling rubbish again...., posted May 15th, 2013
Thank god for being anonoymouse!!, posted April 7th, 2013
Good and bad memories, posted March 24th, 2013
What to do next....., posted January 13th, 2013
Moments of clarity, posted January 10th, 2013
Festive shizzle, posted December 25th, 2012
Not sure how i should be feeling at the moment...., posted December 15th, 2012
All i want is someone to be with....., posted November 24th, 2012
A most splendid day, posted October 28th, 2012
Good news...woo hoo..., posted October 6th, 2012
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